Three Amigos
Three Amigos by: Wayne and Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 23, 2004
I feel rather foolish writing this letter, but I need help. I am a 67-year-old man living on social security. My wife and I divorced, but I never lost my love for her. One day we ran into each other and realized the magic is still there.
I did not hesitate to go back to her. She told me, however, she was dating a widowed doctor, and because she is unable to find employment, he is giving her a $500 weekly allowance. They see each other every Saturday evening. He takes her out to dinner, then they return to his home.
They have a sexual relationship, though she doesn't love him. She feels compelled to sleep with him because of the help he gives her. I asked if she loved me. She said without question she still did. I've been back four months now, and I want her to find employment and break off this relationship.
She's tried to get employment but failed. I asked, if nothing else, please give me some idea when you will end this affair. She said she couldn't do that. I asked how she could love me and do what she is doing. She couldn't reply.
As I write this on Saturday evening, she is out with him for dinner and the sexual romp which follows.
Wyatt
Wyatt, your ex-wife has found a way of blending the world's two oldest professions, medicine and prostitution. This "affair" is her employment, and you have no power here. You can't give her a job, you are not supporting her, and you are not her husband. In addition, your emotional support may make it easier for her to do what she does.
Now that you live together, you are benefiting from what she does. Perhaps circumstances led her into this. Perhaps time will change it. But the only power you have is to accept or not accept the situation. The second definition of her act is "devoting one's talents to an unworthy use." Until she believes that, things will continue as they are.
Wayne & Tamara
A Matter Of Degree
I'm a stay-at-home dad, married with two children. Although things haven't always been great in our marriage, we've worked through them and been mostly happy. Recently a friend introduced me to online chatting. Over the past few months I've chatted with several people, male and female, and had personal chats with a few women in a flirting way.
The women don't live anywhere near, and there was never a chance of this going further. I view my actions as harmless fantasy. My wife recently found out, and she feels I have been unfaithful. She is considering leaving me. The children are the only reason she hasn't.
I agree it was wrong not to have told her, but I consider it harmless fun for my own enjoyment and think of it as my little white lie. I don't agree I have been unfaithful. She says we have different lines of what constitutes decency, and I have clearly crossed over hers. She is well-educated, a Christian, and a physician by trade.
Henry
Henry, your wife is hurt. Chatting with other women makes her feel less of a woman. She feels you are being intimate with these other women. As a medical person, she knows symptoms not dealt with only get worse.
Pictures in a magazine are a fantasy, but it is not fantasy when you interact with real people. Calling what you did a white lie indicates you know it was wrong.
You need to find something else to occupy your mind. We suggest using your computer to start a home-based business. You've been out of the workforce for awhile and that may make it hard to find a job. Once your wife feels a nanny would cause her fewer problems, you may need a way to support yourself.
Wayne & Tamara
Take Off the Rose-Colored Glasses When Dating
Robin was giving me an anatomy of her divorce. “There were signs,” she said. “Plenty of them. I just ignored them.”
“The counselor told me to ignore how he treated other people,” said Manuela, “and concentrate on how he treated me. But one day I be....
"Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?"
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying
to do all you can to make your
marriage work. Depending on how your
marriage was prior to thinking that
you had a marriage problem, you could
be in for a hurtful time .....
Divorce: How To Survive A Divorce And Move On With Your Life
One out of every two marriages in America is failing. American families are crumbling and vanishing. Most families have become dysfunctional, and it is widely becoming fashionable to come from a dy.......
What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for Toddlers?
Toddlers, toddlers, toddlers! Very young, seems don't understand what is happening yet their development may be affected by parental divorce. During the first three years of life, children grow quic.......
Legal Mistakes - Top 10 Women (and Men) Should Avoid
In today’s world and high divorce rate, men and women should be aware of some legal issues to protect not only themselves, but also their children and any assets you may have. I will explain some of .......
Been There, Done That
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 12, 2004 Fourteen years ago I was divorced from my second wife, her idea. I'll call her Kay. But I never lost my love for her. She married again and h.......
How to Get A Divorce
While each person’s situation is unique, there are steps to follow that are common to all in the event that you and/or your spouse decide to file for divorce. Here is some general divorce advice: Bec.......
Surviving Life After Divorce
After divorce, the most important thing you can do is to move forward sensibly. Here are ten steps to help you on your way back to a fulfilling life. 1. Think single. As obvious as it may seem, you'.......
Numbers
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 19, 2003 I'm currently in the classic older man and younger woman relationship. I'm 50 years old, Nancy is 30, and we are both divorced. I was not lookin.......
Divorce and Uncle Sam: Top 10 Things You Should Know When Filing Your Taxes
If you’ve recently divorced or separated from your spouse, here are a few things you should know for the upcoming tax season:
1.What is my filing status? (Married, Single, Head of Household)
Marital standing at year end determines your filing st....
"Women and Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce"
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuiti.......
10 Things I Learned About Divorce/Vicki Lansky
Divorce: 10 Things I Learned
by Vicki Lansky
For anyone who hasn't been divorced, trust me, divorce is never what you imagine it to be. Here are a few insights that may save you a trip to court, or at the very least, give you some idea of wha.....
"Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Chil
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.
"Women and Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce"
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the nea......
Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?
Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people that will never be forgotten by .......
Negotiating a Good Divorce Settlement
Divorce can get complicated with all its legal and financial details and disagreements. It’s no wonder that you are seeking divorce help and divorce support. The most important piece of information t.......
What 3 Greatest Gift You Can Give To Your Children by Co-Parenting?
A successful divorce is one in which the parents divorce each other but do not require the child to divorce one of the parents, either as a result of parental conflict or by one parent not being avai.......
Divorce Online Sevice. Why Should We Lose Money And Time Applying For Divorce?
Attempts to use the worldwide Web as an effective means of struggle against bureaucracy are undertaken constantly and sometimes successfully. Today it is possible to fill in a tax declaration, apply .......
Dating a Divorced Guy
Has this happened to you?
SCENARIO NUMBER 1
Linda was visiting friends in Seattle and they fixed her up with Robert for a date. He suggested they have lunch and then he wanted to show her the tourist district. Of course it was one shop afte....
Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent
For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time. Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the.......
Successful Dating and Marriage (1)
Chapter One
“In a high-divorce society, not only are more unhappy marriages likely to end in divorce, but in addition, more marriages are likely to become unhappy." -- COUNCIL ON FAMILIES IN AMERICA.
.......................................
Buyer's Remorse
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 29, 2002 A few months after my divorce I started seeing a friend of my ex-wife. She told me I really needed a person that would appreciate me. We had a g.......
How to Choose the Right Divorce Lawyer
Are you unhappy with your relationship? Are you thinking about divorce? Well then, choosing the right lawyer can be one of the most important decisions you make when considering a divorce. According to the article “How to Select a Divorce Lawyer” by Scott....
What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for School-Age Children?
It is being said that how bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. And believe me when I tell you that there is an appropriate divorce parenting pract.......
Emancipation
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 8, 2003 When is it time to divorce a family member? I've been helping my partner manage his father's long-term care. This entails working with his b.......
Mom's Legacy
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 13, 2003 I am recently divorced from a destructive narcissist. His infidelity, coupled with a lack of remorse for the havoc caused to our family, was .......
Divorce, The Hardest Thing You Have To Do
Divorce. The word itself scares many people. The thought that all that you have worked for within your marriage has failed is enough to wreck lives. But, once your head clears enough to see through the tears and fights, you will need to begin your search....
Surviving Divorce: What To Think About To Ensure Surviving Divorce
Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating getting a divorce. In order to ensure surviving divorce, you should first understand that your divorce decision shouldn't be taken lightl.......
How to Choose the Right Divorce Lawyer
Are you unhappy with your relationship? Are you thinking about divorce? Well then, choosing the right lawyer can be one of the most important decisions you make when considering a divorce. According .......
Top 5 To Dos Before Saying “I do”
Today, nearly half of all marriages don't last. Everyday I work with couples going through a divorce, many times over preventable conflicts. I’ve learned about what needs to be discussed before making a life-long commitment. If you’re planning to get mar.....
Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process
The Emotions Divorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help bec.......
The Wedding Aisle - Who is Walking You Down it?
Choosing who should walk down the aisle with you is not as easy at it has been in the past. In the past, it has always been assumed that the father of the bride is to be the one. These days, between family tensions, having divorced parents and just wanti....
Three Amigos
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 23, 2004 I feel rather foolish writing this letter, but I need help. I am a 67-year-old man living on social security. My wife and I divorced, but I.......
"Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce .......
Seven Sets of Documents You Need For Your Divorce
This article is designed to give someone who is considering or planning for the possibility of divorce an idea of what documents are needed. Even if you believe your case is ultimately agreed to and.......
Divorce--When "Forever" Is Just Too Long
Are you unhappy with your spouse and your marriage? Are you seriously thinking about divorce? No matter how you deal with it, divorce is a messy process. When two people, who have taken a vow to stay together forever, decide that forever is much too....
Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess th.......
7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion After Divorce
Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been m.......
The Long Way
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 4, 2004 I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight year marriage was ending in divorce. At that time you gave me some great advice about beginnin.......
How to Keep your Relationships Strong
What is the secret of keeping your relationship going through thick and thin? Divorce was once a problem that was not heard of before many of us were born, and today, you can find some couples that have been married for 50 years or more. But, what is it t....
Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet
The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on the rise, overwhelming divorce rate, corruption in corporate America, and, oh yes, Janet at the Super Bowl! Where does it end? With so.......
Divorce Mediation A Relatively Speedy and Low Cost Alternative
Is it possible to have an easy divorce? A low cost divorce? Or do all divorce settlements necessarily end in hard feelings and financial ruin? The truth is that divorce can be low-cost and easy… or i.......
Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage probl.......
Vengeful Husband sues Ex-Wife for Secondhand Smoke Illness
Charleston, SC 3/24/05-
After 13 years of marriage, a Florida man divorces his wife and sues her, claiming his wife’s 2 to 3 pack-a-day smoking habit caused him to contract life-threatening lung cancer in Palm Beach (case id 501997CA01158XXONAN). When....
What 10 Things Divorced Parent Should Do To Promote Positive Child Adjustment?
The effects of recent enlargement in divorce rates are negative effects. Divorced children are more probably to get pregnant as teenagers, drop out of high school, abuse drugs and have aggressively emotional and behavioral problems, which lead to social p....
A Perverse Confidante
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 15, 2002 Dad passed away years ago and Mom lives alone. She is still young and healthy, yet she always plays the victim. I am in my 30s and divorced. Ou.......
Children and Divorce
You and your spouse have decided to end your marriage. Although this has been a difficult decision for you and your spouse, it can be a very complicated one for your children. Divorce in many ways is like facing a death in the family, and a grieving proce....
TURN PERSONAL STRUGGLES INTO BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
TURN PERSONAL STRUGGLES INTO BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
by Laura Backes, Publisher, Children's Book Insider, the
Newsletter for Children's Writers
Suppose you've just gone through a divorce and lost custody of
your kids. Or a loved one has .......
Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas
This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning post-divorce alimony in Texas. Laws differ from state to state and individual circumstances vary, so you should consult with a qualifie.......
How To Go Through Divorce Unscathed
Divorce can be hard. Perhaps, no one knows that better than the two parties involved in the legal coil of separation. Though a divorce is a mutual decision, it is not impossible that one or both part.......
