The Truth About Lawyers

During the matter of my divorce (that's lawyer talk - it's always the matter of this and the matter of that), I spent about $30,000 on three different attorneys in an extremely frustrating effort just to be able to see my own children. As each one failed to obtain one single worthwhile benefit for me, I fired them and hired another one. I couldn't help but notice that I was never allowed to speak directly to the judge and I felt that these people were not saying the things I wanted them to say as well as I could, so in the end, I fired them all and decided to represent myself in court "In Pro Per" (as my own attorney). It was then that I learned the most important lesson of all:

The Name of the Game in court is: DON'T PISS OFF THE JUDGE!

The hard truth of the matter is that attorneys have to work with the judges and with the other attorneys every day. A client is just a client, and when the case is over, it's over and they need to get on with the next one. It's really all about careers and about relationships, and the attorneys' daily business relationships are with other attorneys. These are the people they have to work with, and they have ethical guidelines that compel them to all get along even if they really don't like each other. But when it comes to the judges, it's not a matter of like or dislike. The judges are little gods, and the reality is that they have huge case loads that just get larger no matter what they do, and the attorneys understand that the way to help the judges is to move the cases through court as quicky as possible. Help a judge do that, and you're on their good side. Take too long with one particular client, and you're not. DON'T PISS OFF THE JUDGE, or the judge will definitely find a way to take it out on you. You will not like it when that happens. I know one particular judge who said to me, "I don't get angry, I get even". So for the attorneys, their careers may be at stake if they alienate their peers. The vast majority of attorneys will not put their careers at risk and jeopardize their professional relationships for any one particular client.

So does anybody really need an attorney? The law actually implies that we don't because we are given the right to represent ourselves in court if we choose to. Does anybody really want you to know this? Definitely not, because if everybody represented themselves, how would all the law school graduates make a living? But here's the big problem. When you think you need an attorney, it's almost always because you've gotten into some kind of serious trouble and you think that the stakes are too high if you lose. It's kind of like needing a new roof. Nobody even thinks about their roof until it's too late and the thing is leaking uncontrollably. And it's only then that they find out how incredibly expensive a new roof is, and how impossible it is to educate yourself properly on the subject in order to know how to spend all that money and not get ripped off. Similarly, until you're in serious trouble, you probably don't even think about having to choose an attorney. And now the stakes are much higher than when you need a new roof because with the roof, the great danger is spending a lot of money and not getting what you paid for. With your legal difficulty, it could be about having to go to JAIL, not to mention spending a lot of money on an attorney and then having to go to jail. So when you're in that situation, the conventional wisdom is unanimous - get the best attorney you can afford.

So you bust your budget and make your selection. You sit there in court and watch the attorney do his/her job. How are you supposed to be able to know whether the best possible job is being done for you? There's no way to know because you don't understand the game that's being played out. In the end, the judge calls both attorneys into chambers and the goal of the meeting is to find a compromise solution that will move the case out of court. The attorneys do their thing and then they come back into court and tell you, "This is the best possible deal you're going to get. Trust me on this one. If you don't take this deal, you're going to make the judge angry and you will never get this deal again." What can you do? Nothing. You just lost.

But if you ever make the decision to represent yourself in court, you'd better understand how to behave properly or you will really piss off the judge. Here are the basics of good courtroom behavior:

1. Don't digress. Make your points quickly, logically, and in logical order.
2. Always look the judge directly in the eyes when talking.
3. Forget your ego and just grovel. Say "Your Honor", "with all due respect", "forgive my
ignorance" and things like that.
4. Dress well. Notice that the attorneys all wear suits. Now why do you think they do that?
Because they all own stock in Brooks Brothers?
5. When you do get your chance to go back into chambers, follow rules 1 through 4 again.

If you can master these basics, you will find that an amazing thing happens. The judge will be entertained by you simply because what you're doing is very rare and it's not what they have to sit through every day. If you're good and stick to the basics, the judge will bend over backwards to assist you. Of course, there is the matter of knowing the law and proper court procedure. It's possible to lose a case just by missing a trick and being beat to the punch by your opposing attorney on a simple point of order. So . . . Do you need an attorney? Probably you do, but maybe you don't. I didn't.

As Sally Struthers said in All in The Family: "Case Closed !"

About the Author

Peter Cross is a singer/songwriter/producer who was among the first to put music on the internet in downloadable format in 1996, and he has represented himself in court as Attorney In Pro Per many times. To this day, he is one of the only musicians who has created and designed his own music web site in html, and at 104 pages filled with entertaining content, it's one of the largest. Check it out at: http://www.starcrost.com

How to Choose the Right Divorce Lawyer
Are you unhappy with your relationship? Are you thinking about divorce? Well then, choosing the right lawyer can be one of the most important decisions you make when considering a divorce. According to the article “How to Select a Divorce Lawyer” by Scott....

Couple Relationship
Statistics about divorce rates in the United States vary widely from one third up to fifty percent. Still, even considering the lower estimations, that would still be every third couple getting divor.......

Vengeful Husband sues Ex-Wife for Secondhand Smoke Illness
Charleston, SC 3/24/05-
After 13 years of marriage, a Florida man divorces his wife and sues her, claiming his wife’s 2 to 3 pack-a-day smoking habit caused him to contract life-threatening lung cancer in Palm Beach (case id 501997CA01158XXONAN). When....

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for Preschoolers?
How do you spare your preschoolers for the negative effects of divorce? How do you promote your preschooler's healthy growth and development? The answer is appropriate divorce parenting practices. T.......

A Perverse Confidante
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 15, 2002 Dad passed away years ago and Mom lives alone. She is still young and healthy, yet she always plays the victim. I am in my 30s and divorced. Ou.......

Hidden Divorce Costs
Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many rea.......

How to Keep your Relationships Strong
What is the secret of keeping your relationship going through thick and thin? Divorce was once a problem that was not heard of before many of us were born, and today, you can find some couples that have been married for 50 years or more. But, what is it t....

What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?
Why do some children still do best after divorce and separation? Is there divorce parenting approaches that really work? Read and learn the divorce parenting approaches that really work. Going throug.......

Yoga - The Solution for Insomnia
At one time, or another, all of us have experienced insomnia for any type of reason. There are times when lack of sleep just can’t be helped, such as: the loss a loved one, going through a divorce, .......

Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other Parent?
I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance their children from the other parent? Such actions may only be justified when there is a genuine concern about the children's emotional or physical safety when with the other parent. But in the absenc.....

Children's Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces anxiety and can be very confusing to your children? Children need to know where they stand in their behaviors. It is therefore critical for parents to resolve their d....

"Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce .......

Rosen Divorce Stresses the Importance of Celebrating Mother’s Day
Raleigh, NC- As the largest divorce firm in the state known for its unique approach to handling marital disputes, Rosen Divorce is always looking for ways to help fix relationships between parents. While many mothers will be celebrating Mother’s Day with....

Abused Spouses: How Divorce May Affect Your Green Card Chances
The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), passed into law in 1994 and amended in 2001, provides hope for immigrant abuse survivors. Under U.S. immigration law, immigrants may obtain a green card ("U.S. .......

Living in the Clouds
I have a sister of whom I am very proud. After the kids were grown she found herself divorced after years of unhappy marraige. So she went back to work. She found the job market brutal after all those years as a housewife, but she stuck with it, and got a....

Controlling Behavior, Loving Behavior
When Zack and Tiffany started counseling with me, they were on the verge of divorce after 16 years of marriage. Neither really wanted to end the marriage, yet both were miserable. Both of them believ.......

How to Reorganize Your Divorce Life for Happiness?
Do your dreams, hopes and ambitions shattered by your own divorce? Do you feel completely worn out of your desire to go on with your life? Do you feel you have no more purpose or inspiration for life's achievements?

You must not let yourself think.....

How To Divorce Like You Are Buying A TV
The facts are that 75% of all US and 50% of all Canadian marriages end in divorce. Divorce is rated number two on
the scale of the most life altering stressors. During this difficult time you have to deal with everything thrown at you, all at once. It....

Essential Ingredient
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 15, 2003 I have a couple of questions for you. If a person no longer feels they love their spouse, is it time to divorce? Also, do you think a perso.......

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms?
Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms?

When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decid....

Alone for the Holidays?
Being alone is a challenge for many people. This challenge may loom especially large during the holidays if you are single or newly divorced and without family around you. Holidays are a time to shar.......

Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage probl.......

Q: As a result of my divorce, I'm left with more debt than I can handle. Is there an alterna
One of the often-unintended consequences of divorce is the burdensome debt that was formerly handled by two, now to be handled by one. Creditors hold both spouses liable for debt incurred during the marriage. Any agreement between the spouses regarding wh....

How to Stop Divorce Parental Conflict from Bursting?
It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after divorce the culprit of most psychological-adjustment problems the children are having. So, how to stop the post-divorce parental conflict from bursting must be given a premium importance by parents who....

Rosen Divorce On-Line Child Support Calculator
Raleigh, NC- Rosen Divorce, the state’s largest divorce firm known for its unique approach to handling marital disputes, recently revamped their on-line child support calculator making it more user-friendly.

The new child support calculator takes....

Successful Dating and Marriage (1)
Chapter One

“In a high-divorce society, not only are more unhappy marriages likely to end in divorce, but in addition, more marriages are likely to become unhappy." -- COUNCIL ON FAMILIES IN AMERICA.

.......................................

"Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital A
Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people that will never be forgotten by either of them. The person who actually had the extramar....

Infidelity...Who Cares?
Why should I care if your life is a disaster because your spouse practice infidelity?

So What!

People plaster personal problems all over the net as if to do so a divorce attorney or marriage counselor is going to volunteer free services.

"Women and Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce"
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuiti.......

Following Through
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003 My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they've been sitting on my desk for five days now. It took me tw.......

Divorce--When "Forever" Is Just Too Long

Are you unhappy with your spouse and your marriage? Are you seriously thinking about divorce? No matter how you deal with it, divorce is a messy process. When two people, who have taken a vow to stay together forever, decide that forever is much too....

Three Amigos
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 23, 2004 I feel rather foolish writing this letter, but I need help. I am a 67-year-old man living on social security. My wife and I divorced, but I.......

Beat the Odds for Divorce
Do you think marriage is a turkey shoot? Are you looking for a guarantee of success? Don’t gamble with your relationship. Follow expert advice to beat the odds for divorce.

Researchers can predict the success or failure of a long-term relationship....

BREAKING UP. Rights and obligations with prenuptial agreement.
Prenuptial Agreements (Premarital Contract) are like insurance policies. You do the paperwork, and then hope you'll never need it. However, since half of marriages end in divorce within t.....

"Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?"
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for....

3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them
What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to unhappy, unhealthy and unsuccessful children? Parents know these for your children seek. 1. Failure To Act According To Child's Best Inter.......

Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article
There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What's below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. Th.......

Unleashing the power of knowledge
We all have some sort of knowledge locked in our noggins. Through life’s experiences
such as past and present employment, the adversities we’ve all had evovle during our
lifetimes, such as illnesses, divorces, issue with our children, financial and....

Deciding On Spousal Support
No matter which side you are on, spousal support is something that will need to be taken care of during a divorce. Something must be decided about spousal support, yet, where are you to begin? What are you going to do to resolve this issue of spousal supp....

Seven Sets of Documents You Need For Your Divorce
This article is designed to give someone who is considering or planning for the possibility of divorce an idea of what documents are needed. Even if you believe your case is ultimately agreed to and.......

Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Children
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficu.......

How to Sell Your House by Lease Options
Many people buy a house then have to move within a few years, due to divorce, relocation or financial difficulties. Without any equity though, it can be nearly impossible to find buyers and you still.......

Houston Divorce Lawyer Answers Common Questions About Mediation
If you are reading this, then you are probably either thinking of filing for divorce -- or have a feeling that your spouse may be filing for divorce -- whether you want to separate or not. One of the.......

Healing the Midlife Love Crisis
All I wanted was to fall in love and live happily ever after. The End.

Except it wasn’t that simple. At forty-something, I was hardly “on the shelf”, but I was the veteran of two divorces. That gave rise to plenty of self doubt. It gave rise to ano....

Deciding on Divorce: How to know you are making the right choice
It's a well known fact that in this day and age most marriages end up in divorce. When confronted with the possibility of "throwing a relationship away", you'll probably experience a lot of stress. .......

How to Grieve a Tragedy
Bad things happen to good people. Have you lost your job or are facing bankruptcy? Has a cherished relationship ended or you have gone through a divorce? Maybe you received diagnosis of a serious hea.......

Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet
The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on the rise, overwhelming divorce rate, corruption in corporate America, and, oh yes, Janet at the Super Bowl! Where does it end? With so.......

Blessings In A Mother's Tears
As a mother, my intuition told me that something just wasn’t right. Most doctors blew off my concerns about my daughter, Deborah. They said the behavior problems were just “terrible twos” or “extra family stress” from my divorce. I knew from the time of m....