Numbers
Numbers by: Wayne and Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 19, 2003
I'm currently in the classic older man and younger woman relationship. I'm 50 years old, Nancy is 30, and we are both divorced. I was not looking for anyone when Nancy came into my life. She is beautiful and sweet, and I absolutely adore her.
I could think of a million reasons why it doesn't make sense to have a relationship with a younger woman. But she doesn't feel that way at all. So why am I writing? At this juncture in my life I simply can't see this relationship in the long term.
I have told Nancy not to waste time with someone like me; I have far less life to live than she does. She insists I have plenty of time left, though I cannot see where this could possibly go and be good for both of us. Am I simply sounding like some insecure, middle-aged idiot, or should I enjoy what we have and see where it leads?
Simon
Simon, if you know something in your own heart that prevents this, or if there is an issue you haven't resolved, such as having children, that's one thing. But if it's simply the idea of the years, the years don't matter.
To suggest the difference in age is the problem implies being close in age would guarantee success. But that is not true. Almost half the couples in the United States divorce, and most of them are close in age.
It is love that is the center of everything, not the number of years since your birth. It is love which creates alignment and balance between two people. What matters is that you love each other and belong together. In addition, there is no guarantee Nancy will outlive you.
Being an insecure, middle-aged idiot is no fun, so we suggest that you enjoy what you have and see where it leads.
Wayne & Tamara
Free Will
My story is like most others. All the signs were there, but for some reason I wanted to believe the lies.
My former boyfriend met his ex-wife behind my back. I also suspected an affair with his boss. That thought nagged me. So one night when he was away I looked up her address and drove there. Lo and behold! His car was parked in her driveway at four in the morning. He said he left it there for convenience while he went out with friends for the night.
I guess the question you get most is why. But I don't want to know why he did these things, but why did I stay with someone who would cheat on me? Why would I want to believe the lies so much I went against my own logic?
Tiffany
Tiffany, if you are less than 70 years old, you have been raised all your life to believe we can make any relationship work with the right amount of hard work, compromise, and communication. That is what the "experts" claim. It isn't true.
The end result of believing every relationship can be worked on and worked through is there aren't any warning signs anymore. It is like saying since medical people can effectively treat burns, you no longer need to remove your hand from a hot stove.
You wanted a loving, monogamous relationship. That is who you are. He wanted to play the field and be intimate with whoever he wanted. That is who he is. Neither of you had the ability or the right to change the other. You tried to apply what you desired in a relationship, and what the "experts" claim is possible, to the man you had. It didn't work.
At the time you couldn't see there could be someone else for you who would be loving and monogamous. That is where you needed to go because no one has the power to change the behavior of another.
Wayne & Tamara
Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms
Dating is tough, but it’s tougher for women who are divorced and widowed. Along with the fears of being “out of practice,” there are often children’s feelings to consider. How can a single mother en.......
How to Prevent a Custody Battle After Divorce.
I recently marked the six-year anniversary of my custody battle. I have learned vital lessons that I want to share with all parents.
Divorce yourself emotionally from your former spouse.
Mind your own business. Their life is no longer married....
Legal Issues Surrounding Divorce
There are two types of divorce: absolute and limited. Absolute, or “divorce a vinculo matu monii”, is the judicial termination of a marriage based on marital misconduct or other statutory causes afte.......
A Perverse Confidante
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 15, 2002 Dad passed away years ago and Mom lives alone. She is still young and healthy, yet she always plays the victim. I am in my 30s and divorced. Ou.......
"Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Chil
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.
Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms?
When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decide whet.......
Take Off the Rose-Colored Glasses When Dating
Robin was giving me an anatomy of her divorce. “There were signs,” she said. “Plenty of them. I just ignored them.”
“The counselor told me to ignore how he treated other people,” said Manuela, “and concentrate on how he treated me. But one day I be....
Controlling Behavior, Loving Behavior
When Zack and Tiffany started counseling with me, they were on the verge of divorce after 16 years of marriage. Neither really wanted to end the marriage, yet both were miserable. Both of them believ.......
Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet
The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on the rise, overwhelming divorce rate, corruption in corporate America, and, oh yes, Janet at the Super Bowl! Where does it end? With so.......
My Own Online Business After A Divorce and Almost Bankruptcy
When I got divorced, I didn't know how I was going to be able to cope with my financial responsibilities which included mortgage, car, my kids's private school plus all the other expenses related to .......
The Truth About Lawyers
During the matter of my divorce (that's lawyer talk - it's always the matter of this and the matter of that), I spent about $30,000 on three different attorneys in an extremely frustrating effort just to be able to see my own children. As each one faile......
What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for Toddlers?
Toddlers, toddlers, toddlers! Very young, seems don't understand what is happening yet their development may be affected by parental divorce. During the first three years of life, children grow quickly and become mobile, learn language, begin to understa.....
Mom's Legacy
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 13, 2003 I am recently divorced from a destructive narcissist. His infidelity, coupled with a lack of remorse for the havoc caused to our family, was .......
Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess th.......
"Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?"
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying
to do all you can to make your
marriage work. Depending on how your
marriage was prior to thinking that
you had a marriage problem, you could
be in for a hurtful time .....
Divorce online service. Why should we lose money and time applying for divorce?
It is usually easier to marry than to divorce, especially if the spouses who wish to do so must divide their common property as well.
Divorce is extremely difficult business in rich families. For wealthy Americans in this case, it is accepted that....
"Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital A
Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people that will never be forgotten by either of them. The person who actually had the extramar....
Infidelity...Who Cares?
Why should I care if your life is a disaster because your spouse practice infidelity?
So What!
People plaster personal problems all over the net as if to do so a divorce attorney or marriage counselor is going to volunteer free services.
Back in the Saddle
The single parents' guide to dating again.
Going through a divorce is hard. Getting back into the dating scene can seem even harder. You have been out of the scene for a while now and are not sure how to get back in. Let alone, back in wi.....
Alone for the Holidays?
Being alone is a challenge for many people. This challenge may loom especially large during the holidays if you are single or newly divorced and without family around you. Holidays are a time to shar.......
What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for School-Age Children?
It is being said that how bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. And believe me when I tell you that there is an appropriate divorce parenting practices for children of any age for them to be healthy, happ....
Legal Issues Surrounding Divorce
There are two types of divorce: absolute and limited. Absolute, or “divorce a vinculo matu monii”, is the judicial termination of a marriage based on marital misconduct or other statutory causes after the wedding ceremony—such as adultery. After the divor....
"Uncontested Divorce; How Thinking About An Uncontested Divorce Figures Into Your Decision About
An uncontested divorce is the most common type of divorce. An uncontested divorce is a divorce that occurs when there are no disagreements between spouses over divorce related issues like custody, finances, living arrangements, spousal support, child sup....
Reasons You Aren't Starting the Decision Making Process About Whether To Get a Divorce Or Stay Ma
Along with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divo.......
"Women and Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce"
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the nea......
Divorce and Uncle Sam: Top 10 Things You Should Know When Filing Your Taxes
If you’ve recently divorced or separated from your spouse, here are a few things you should know for the upcoming tax season:
1.What is my filing status? (Married, Single, Head of Household)
Marital standing at year end determines your filing st....
What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?
Why do some children still do best after divorce and separation? Is there divorce parenting approaches that really work? Read and learn the divorce parenting approaches that really work.
Going through the process of divorce is a challenging life tr....
Divorce--When "Forever" Is Just Too Long
Are you unhappy with your spouse and your marriage? Are you seriously thinking about divorce? No matter how you deal with it, divorce is a messy process. When two people, who have taken a vow to stay together forever, decide that forever is much too....
How to Reorganize Your Divorce Life for Happiness?
Do your dreams, hopes and ambitions shattered by your own divorce? Do you feel completely worn out of your desire to go on with your life? Do you feel you have no more purpose or inspiration for life's achievements?
You must not let yourself think.....
What 10 Things Divorced Parent Should Do To Promote Positive Child Adjustment?
The effects of recent enlargement in divorce rates are negative effects. Divorced children are more probably to get pregnant as teenagers, drop out of high school, abuse drugs and have aggressively e.......
Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage probl.......
Unleashing the power of knowledge
We all have some sort of knowledge locked in our noggins. Through life’s experiences
such as past and present employment, the adversities we’ve all had evovle during our
lifetimes, such as illnesses, divorces, issue with our children, financial and....
"Sexless Marriage : Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?"
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural. But, in ord.......
Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Children
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficu.......
"Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce .......
The Wedding Aisle - Who is Walking You Down it?
Choosing who should walk down the aisle with you is not as easy at it has been in the past. In the past, it has always been assumed that the father of the bride is to be the one. These days, between family tensions, having divorced parents and just wanti....
"Divorce Advice: Getting Divorce Advice From the Right Source"
Getting the right type of divorce advice depends on what type of divorce advice you want and what you want to use it for. When looking for advice about divorce, it is smart to clearly define what you.......
Second Time Around the Block
Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or the moral and ethical implications of that here. Even if you're the innocent one who stuck to your vows and got dumped anyway, you still have .......
"Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If You're Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?
Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. Just because you're thinking about getting a divorce, doesn.......
Been There, Done That
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 12, 2004 Fourteen years ago I was divorced from my second wife, her idea. I'll call her Kay. But I never lost my love for her. She married again and h.......
Midlife Dating: Filling Your Social Calendar
If you find yourself suddenly solo at midlife wondering how to keep a balanced social life and meet other singles, you aren’t alone.
Sometimes friends and country clubs are divided up in the divorce along with the possessions, or you may find your....
Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas
This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning post-divorce alimony in Texas. Laws differ from state to state and individual circumstances vary, so you should consult with a qualified family law attorney in your area for specific advice on....
Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article
There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What's below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. Th.......
Too Many Divorces
My oldest boy asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren't too many divorces, there's too many marriages. Most people get married wit.......
"Reasons You Aren't Starting the Decision Making Process About Whether To Get a Divorce Or S
Along with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divorce or stay married can be a frightening time for most p....
How To Identify What The Question "Should I get a divorce?" Means To You.
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's s.......
Seven Sets of Documents You Need For Your Divorce
This article is designed to give someone who is considering or planning for the possibility of divorce an idea of what documents are needed. Even if you believe your case is ultimately agreed to and.......
Living in the Clouds
I have a sister of whom I am very proud. After the kids were grown she found herself divorced after years of unhappy marraige. So she went back to work. She found the job market brutal after all those years as a housewife, but she stuck with it, and got a....
Healing the Midlife Love Crisis
All I wanted was to fall in love and live happily ever after. The End.
Except it wasn’t that simple. At forty-something, I was hardly “on the shelf”, but I was the veteran of two divorces. That gave rise to plenty of self doubt. It gave rise to ano....
The Long Way
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 4, 2004 I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight year marriage was ending in divorce. At that time you gave me some great advice about beginnin.......
