For Old Time's Sake
Old Time's Sake
by: Wayne and Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 19, 2002
I am currently going through a divorce, and we've been negotiating the terms of the settlement for a year and a half without agreement. I have started a relationship with another woman, but I'm in a saddening, irresponsible situation that was mischievously planned by the ex.
About four months ago I went to the ex's to pick up our two young children. She begged me to have sex with her one last time, and she swore she would leave me alone forever if I did this. She desperately begged, begged, and begged.
I told her it was over. I told her it didn't make any sense. But I was a stupid irresponsible idiot and gave into her, thinking I would get rid of her once and for all. Right after, I knew I'd made another stupid mistake.
About a month later, in an odd and happy manner, she told me she was pregnant. Under the circumstances I thought she should be devastated. I'm angry because I know she planned this to make me go back to her. That couldn't be further from what I want.
Outside of this incident, I hadn't touched her in over a year. This mistake happened only because I wanted her to leave me alone forever as she promised. I know I'm partly to blame because no one put a gun to my head. If this child is mine, I will pay for my legal responsibilities.
Anyway, I want to grow in my relationship with this other woman. I have known her for six years, and we connect on all levels. But I've lost her trust. She wants to be with me, but she is having a difficult time in getting through this and I don't blame her.
Teddy
Teddy, begging for sex one last time for old time's sake sounds suspiciously like something a man would say. It is not in a woman's repertoire. An alarm should have gone off in your head, the one that says the world has suddenly turned upside down.
Even in a situation which was totally unreal you acted like a caveman. The last thing you are going to get from a woman who begs for unprotected sex one last time is left alone. Revenge, pay backs, and blackmail maybe. But left alone? Never.
You ignored the alarms about your wife, and you ignored the alarms about ruining your new relationship. I understand why your girlfriend has a problem with this. The story itself sounds like a male fantasy.
Your girlfriend put herself in an emotionally vulnerable situation because she didn't wait until you were divorced before getting so deeply involved. What makes it doubly worse for her is that, because of your children, she has no guarantee you won't be "begged" again by your wife.
This isn't going to end for her. Because of your children, she can't tell you never to see that woman again. Your girlfriend may very well decide this is not something she is going to be able to endure. It's for her to decide. You showed a lack of character. This is really about doing the right thing in each moment.
Tamara
Doing The Math
My boyfriend purchased a house three years ago for $380,000. He put $20,000 down. He plans to refinance for $400,000. He plans an addition to the house for $50,000. How much should I pay to become equal partner?
Cornelia
Cornelia, this sounds like one of those algebra word problems I could never solve. If John is twice as old as Ted, and Roberto is five years older than John, how old is Ted's twin, Chris?
Algebra always confused me, but in this case I think I know the answer. Buying a home with a boyfriend usually turns into a legal problem . Until your status is more permanent, find another way to invest in real estate.
Wayne
Divorce Is Not A Good Idea Right Now
Since September 11th although tempers have flared, depression has increased and sleeplessness has become an unwelcome visitor to many, committed relationships have not faltered and divorce filings have declined. Why is this? Even though people are stresse....
Essential Ingredient
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 15, 2003 I have a couple of questions for you. If a person no longer feels they love their spouse, is it time to divorce? Also, do you think a perso.......
Successful Dating and Marriage (1)
Chapter One
“In a high-divorce society, not only are more unhappy marriages likely to end in divorce, but in addition, more marriages are likely to become unhappy." -- COUNCIL ON FAMILIES IN AMERICA.
.......................................
Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms?
When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decide whether to do it yourself or retain a divorce lawyer.
Hidden Divorce Costs
Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many rea.......
Family Law
A frustrating lack of permanence plagues modern relationships. Approximately one of every two marriages ends in divorce and the average length of a marriage before divorce is only five years. Many c.......
Choosing your Divorce Method
The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is that they fail to plan. They simply decide to leave the relationship and then enter and ugly and expensive battle that ends up hurting e.......
Deciding on Divorce: How to know you are making the right choice
It's a well known fact that in this day and age most marriages end up in divorce. When confronted with the possibility of "throwing a relationship away", you'll probably experience a lot of stress. .......
Parental Hostility: What Will This Bring To Your Children's Life?
One of the most important factors influencing kids' adjustments to their parents' separation or divorce is the level of parental hostility. How bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled.
To give you c......
Abused Spouses: How Divorce May Affect Your Green Card Chances
The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), passed into law in 1994 and amended in 2001, provides hope for immigrant abuse survivors. Under U.S. immigration law, immigrants may obtain a green card ("U.S. .......
Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article
There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What's below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. The below information about divorce articles holds true f.....
"Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?"
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying
to do all you can to make your
marriage work. Depending on how your
marriage was prior to thinking that
you had a marriage problem, you could
be in for a hurtful time .....
Marriage, Divorce, and Kids
It’s been said that one of the problems that
married couples have today is that men tend to
choose their wives the same way they choose their
cars or trucks.
They get the best one available and hope that
there’s not much maintenance dow....
Midlife Career Change Can Feel Like Getting a Divorce
Most of us are aware that we need to grieve the death of a close friend, relative or favorite pet. We are beginning to learn that other events -- relocation, divorce, illness -- can also be experienced as loss.
Losing a professional-level career ca....
Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess th.......
Numbers
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 19, 2003 I'm currently in the classic older man and younger woman relationship. I'm 50 years old, Nancy is 30, and we are both divorced. I was not lookin.......
A Divorce Glossary
Divorce lawyers and law firms can provide a great deal of divorce information and divorce advice; but sometimes, all that legal jargon can be confusing to say the least, not to mention intimidating. .......
Divorce, The Hardest Thing You Have To Do
Divorce. The word itself scares many people. The thought that all that you have worked for within your marriage has failed is enough to wreck lives. But, once your head clears enough to see through the tears and fights, you will need to begin your search....
Unleashing the power of knowledge
We all have some sort of knowledge locked in our noggins. Through life’s experiences
such as past and present employment, the adversities we’ve all had evovle during our
lifetimes, such as illnesses, divorces, issue with our children, financial and....
Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article
There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What's below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. Th.......
Divorce online service. Why should we lose money and time applying for divorce?
It is usually easier to marry than to divorce, especially if the spouses who wish to do so must divide their common property as well.
Divorce is extremely difficult business in rich families. For wealthy Americans in this case, it is accepted that....
Dating a Divorced Guy
Has this happened to you?
SCENARIO NUMBER 1
Linda was visiting friends in Seattle and they fixed her up with Robert for a date. He suggested they have lunch and then he wanted to show her the tourist district. Of course it was one shop afte....
"Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If You're Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?
Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. Just because you're thinking about getting a divorce, doesn.......
"Surviving Divorce: What To Think About To Ensure Surviving Divorce"
Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating getting a divorce. In order to ensure surviving divorce, you should first understand that your divorce decision shouldn't be taken lightly. Ensuring that you'll be surviving divorce can be c.......
"Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Chil
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.
Seven Sets of Documents You Need For Your Divorce
This article is designed to give someone who is considering or planning for the possibility of divorce an idea of what documents are needed. Even if you believe your case is ultimately agreed to and.......
What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for School-Age Children?
It is being said that how bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. And believe me when I tell you that there is an appropriate divorce parenting pract.......
Ten Easy, Yet Powerful way to get in the spirit to date again after a break-up or time-out
Ten Easy, yet Powerful ways to get in the spirit to date again after a break-up or time-out
Divorce and relationship break-up are devastating to most people. Most have learned that jumping from the frying pan into the fire is not a good thing. However....
"Sexless Marriage : Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?"
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural. But, in ord.......
Divorce and Uncle Sam: Top 10 Things You Should Know When Filing Your Taxes
If you’ve recently divorced or separated from your spouse, here are a few things you should know for the upcoming tax season:
1.What is my filing status? (Married, Single, Head of Household)
Marital standing at year end determines your filing st....
Three Amigos
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 23, 2004 I feel rather foolish writing this letter, but I need help. I am a 67-year-old man living on social security. My wife and I divorced, but I.......
Grants For Single Mothers
If you are a single mom and struggling to get by, you are not alone. Whether you are going through a divorce or the father is absent most single mother face the burden of supporting themselves and th.......
Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other Parent?
I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance their children from the other parent? Such actions may only be justified when there is a genuine concern about the children's emotional or physical safety when with the other parent. But in the absenc.....
Couple Relationship
Statistics about divorce rates in the United States vary widely from one third up to fifty percent. Still, even considering the lower estimations, that would still be every third couple getting divor.......
Take Off the Rose-Colored Glasses When Dating
Robin was giving me an anatomy of her divorce. “There were signs,” she said. “Plenty of them. I just ignored them.”
“The counselor told me to ignore how he treated other people,” said Manuela, “and concentrate on how he treated me. But one day I be....
Children's Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces anxiety and can be very confusing to your children? Children need to know where they stand in their behaviors.......
Yoga - The Solution for Insomnia
At one time, or another, all of us have experienced insomnia for any type of reason. There are times when lack of sleep just can’t be helped, such as: the loss a loved one, going through a divorce, .......
Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage probl.......
Midlife Dating: Filling Your Social Calendar
If you find yourself suddenly solo at midlife wondering how to keep a balanced social life and meet other singles, you aren’t alone.
Sometimes friends and country clubs are divided up in the divorce along with the possessions, or you may find your....
Deciding On Spousal Support
No matter which side you are on, spousal support is something that will need to be taken care of during a divorce. Something must be decided about spousal support, yet, where are you to begin? What are you going to do to resolve this issue of spousal supp....
Selecting a Divorce Attorney
Selecting a divorce attorney is a critical decision making process. The person who you hire will be responsible for obtaining or maintaining your custody rights to your children, your property inter.......
How to Reorganize Your Divorce Life for Happiness?
Do your dreams, hopes and ambitions shattered by your own divorce? Do you feel completely worn out of your desire to go on with your life? Do you feel you have no more purpose or inspiration for life's achievements?
You must not let yourself think.....
10 Things I Learned About Divorce/Vicki Lansky
Divorce: 10 Things I Learned
by Vicki Lansky
For anyone who hasn't been divorced, trust me, divorce is never what you imagine it to be. Here are a few insights that may save you a trip to court, or at the very least, give you some idea of wha.....
Rosen Divorce Stresses the Importance of Celebrating Mother’s Day
Raleigh, NC- As the largest divorce firm in the state known for its unique approach to handling marital disputes, Rosen Divorce is always looking for ways to help fix relationships between parents. While many mothers will be celebrating Mother’s Day with....
What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?
Why do some children still do best after divorce and separation? Is there divorce parenting approaches that really work? Read and learn the divorce parenting approaches that really work. Going throug.......
Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms
Dating is tough, but it’s tougher for women who are divorced and widowed. Along with the fears of being “out of practice,” there are often children’s feelings to consider. How can a single mother en.......
Top 5 To Dos Before Saying “I do”
Today, nearly half of all marriages don't last. Everyday I work with couples going through a divorce, many times over preventable conflicts. I’ve learned about what needs to be discussed before making a life-long commitment. If you’re planning to get mar.....
Chasing After Child Support
Child support is often a source of contention between divorced parents of minor children. I understand this. I have been there. In an ideal situation, the parent who is responsible for paying child support does so out of love for his or her children.
....
Surviving Life After Divorce
After divorce, the most important thing you can do is to move forward sensibly. Here are ten steps to help you on your way back to a fulfilling life. 1. Think single. As obvious as it may seem, you'.......
Ten Tips for Winning at Custody
Winning at Custody is one of the most difficult issues parents confront in divorce. In many cases, both parents want custody and are willing to spend whatever it takes to win. Unfortunately, more than any other issue in divorce, to win at custody means....
