For Old Time's Sake
Old Time's Sake
by: Wayne and Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 19, 2002
I am currently going through a divorce, and we've been negotiating the terms of the settlement for a year and a half without agreement. I have started a relationship with another woman, but I'm in a saddening, irresponsible situation that was mischievously planned by the ex.
About four months ago I went to the ex's to pick up our two young children. She begged me to have sex with her one last time, and she swore she would leave me alone forever if I did this. She desperately begged, begged, and begged.
I told her it was over. I told her it didn't make any sense. But I was a stupid irresponsible idiot and gave into her, thinking I would get rid of her once and for all. Right after, I knew I'd made another stupid mistake.
About a month later, in an odd and happy manner, she told me she was pregnant. Under the circumstances I thought she should be devastated. I'm angry because I know she planned this to make me go back to her. That couldn't be further from what I want.
Outside of this incident, I hadn't touched her in over a year. This mistake happened only because I wanted her to leave me alone forever as she promised. I know I'm partly to blame because no one put a gun to my head. If this child is mine, I will pay for my legal responsibilities.
Anyway, I want to grow in my relationship with this other woman. I have known her for six years, and we connect on all levels. But I've lost her trust. She wants to be with me, but she is having a difficult time in getting through this and I don't blame her.
Teddy
Teddy, begging for sex one last time for old time's sake sounds suspiciously like something a man would say. It is not in a woman's repertoire. An alarm should have gone off in your head, the one that says the world has suddenly turned upside down.
Even in a situation which was totally unreal you acted like a caveman. The last thing you are going to get from a woman who begs for unprotected sex one last time is left alone. Revenge, pay backs, and blackmail maybe. But left alone? Never.
You ignored the alarms about your wife, and you ignored the alarms about ruining your new relationship. I understand why your girlfriend has a problem with this. The story itself sounds like a male fantasy.
Your girlfriend put herself in an emotionally vulnerable situation because she didn't wait until you were divorced before getting so deeply involved. What makes it doubly worse for her is that, because of your children, she has no guarantee you won't be "begged" again by your wife.
This isn't going to end for her. Because of your children, she can't tell you never to see that woman again. Your girlfriend may very well decide this is not something she is going to be able to endure. It's for her to decide. You showed a lack of character. This is really about doing the right thing in each moment.
Tamara
Doing The Math
My boyfriend purchased a house three years ago for $380,000. He put $20,000 down. He plans to refinance for $400,000. He plans an addition to the house for $50,000. How much should I pay to become equal partner?
Cornelia
Cornelia, this sounds like one of those algebra word problems I could never solve. If John is twice as old as Ted, and Roberto is five years older than John, how old is Ted's twin, Chris?
Algebra always confused me, but in this case I think I know the answer. Buying a home with a boyfriend usually turns into a legal problem . Until your status is more permanent, find another way to invest in real estate.
Wayne
Buyer's Remorse
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 29, 2002 A few months after my divorce I started seeing a friend of my ex-wife. She told me I really needed a person that would appreciate me. We had a g.......
"Contested" And "Uncontested Divorce"
A divorce case is contested if the parties cannot agree on every one of the issues involved in their particular situation. Common areas of disagreement include, but are not limited to: grounds for di.......
Divorce--When "Forever" Is Just Too Long
Are you unhappy with your spouse and your marriage? Are you seriously thinking about divorce? No matter how you deal with it, divorce is a messy process. When two people, who have taken a vow to stay together forever, decide that forever is much too....
Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article
There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What's below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. The below information about divorce articles holds true f.....
Children's Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces anxiety and can be very confusing to your children? Children need to know where they stand in their behaviors. It is therefore critical for parents to resolve their d....
Houston Divorce Lawyer Answers Common Questions About Mediation
If you are reading this, then you are probably either thinking of filing for divorce -- or have a feeling that your spouse may be filing for divorce -- whether you want to separate or not.
One of the common questions that an individual going throu....
"Divorce Advice: Getting Divorce Advice From the Right Source"
Getting the right type of divorce
advice depends on what type of divorce
advice you want and what you want to
use it for. When looking for advice
about divorce, it is smart to clearly
define what you are seeking the advice
for so you ca....
Controlling Behavior, Loving Behavior
When Zack and Tiffany started counseling with me, they were on the verge of divorce after 16 years of marriage. Neither really wanted to end the marriage, yet both were miserable. Both of them believ.......
Hidden Divorce Costs
Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many rea.......
Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage probl.......
Attorney Marilyn Gale Vilyus Offers Guidance On Divorce: Should One Get Divorced Or Not?
No one except an individual can determine whether or not a divorce is right for him or her. However, there are some general questions which pretty much apply to everybody. Thinking about the followin.......
Divorce Mediation A Relatively Speedy and Low Cost Alternative
Is it possible to have an easy divorce? A low cost divorce? Or do all divorce settlements necessarily end in hard feelings and financial ruin? The truth is that divorce can be low-cost and easy… or i.......
What 10 Things Divorced Parent Should Do To Promote Positive Child Adjustment?
The effects of recent enlargement in divorce rates are negative effects. Divorced children are more probably to get pregnant as teenagers, drop out of high school, abuse drugs and have aggressively e.......
Abused Spouses: How Divorce May Affect Your Green Card Chances
The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), passed into law in 1994 and amended in 2001, provides hope for immigrant abuse survivors. Under U.S. immigration law, immigrants may obtain a green card ("U.S. .......
What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for Preschoolers?
How do you spare your preschoolers for the negative effects of divorce? How do you promote your preschooler's healthy growth and development? The answer is appropriate divorce parenting practices.
The next question is what appropriate divorce par.....
The Wedding Aisle - Who is Walking You Down it?
Choosing who should walk down the aisle with you is not as easy at it has been in the past. In the past, it has always been assumed that the father of the bride is to be the one. These days, between family tensions, having divorced parents and just wanti....
How To Go Through Divorce Unscathed
Divorce can be hard. Perhaps, no one knows that better than the two parties involved in the legal coil of separation. Though a divorce is a mutual decision, it is not impossible that one or both part.......
"Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustrati....
Divorce Lawyer in Houston
The practice of Family Law requires a firm that is familiar with both the complexities of family law and the family courts in which your family law issue will be addressed. Even the best family lawye.......
My Own Online Business After A Divorce and Almost Bankruptcy
When I got divorced, I didn't know how I was going to be able to cope with my financial responsibilities which included mortgage, car, my kids's private school plus all the other expenses related to .......
How To Identify What The Question "Should I get a divorce?" Means To You.
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's s.......
Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas
This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning post-divorce alimony in Texas. Laws differ from state to state and individual circumstances vary, so you should consult with a qualifie.......
Midlife Career Change Can Feel Like Getting a Divorce
Most of us are aware that we need to grieve the death of a close friend, relative or favorite pet. We are beginning to learn that other events -- relocation, divorce, illness -- can also be experienced as loss.
Losing a professional-level career ca....
What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for Toddlers?
Toddlers, toddlers, toddlers! Very young, seems don't understand what is happening yet their development may be affected by parental divorce. During the first three years of life, children grow quickly and become mobile, learn language, begin to understa.....
Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process
The Emotions Divorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help bec.......
Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet
The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on the rise, overwhelming divorce rate, corruption in corporate America, and, oh yes, Janet at the Super Bowl! Where does it end? With so.......
How to Choose the Right Divorce Lawyer
Are you unhappy with your relationship? Are you thinking about divorce? Well then, choosing the right lawyer can be one of the most important decisions you make when considering a divorce. According .......
Negotiating a Good Divorce Settlement
Divorce can get complicated with all its legal and financial details and disagreements. It’s no wonder that you are seeking divorce help and divorce support. The most important piece of information t.......
What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?
Why do some children still do best after divorce and separation? Is there divorce parenting approaches that really work? Read and learn the divorce parenting approaches that really work.
Going through the process of divorce is a challenging life tr....
How to Grieve a Tragedy
Bad things happen to good people. Have you lost your job or are facing bankruptcy? Has a cherished relationship ended or you have gone through a divorce? Maybe you received diagnosis of a serious hea.......
Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other Parent?
I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance their children from the other parent? Such actions may only be justified when there is a genuine concern about the children's emotional or physic.......
What 3 Greatest Gift You Can Give To Your Children by Co-Parenting?
A successful divorce is one in which the parents divorce each other but do not require the child to divorce one of the parents, either as a result of parental conflict or by one parent not being available to the child.
It is a well-established fac....
Family Law
A frustrating lack of permanence plagues modern relationships. Approximately one of every two marriages ends in divorce and the average length of a marriage before divorce is only five years. Many c.......
Life Lessons - an Inpirational Story
Ju was physically abused as a child. She lived with a mother who was diagnosed with post depression and a father who was a wife abuser. Her parent divorced and left six of them with her mother. She .......
Beat the Odds for Divorce
Do you think marriage is a turkey shoot? Are you looking for a guarantee of success? Don’t gamble with your relationship. Follow expert advice to beat the odds for divorce.
Researchers can predict the success or failure of a long-term relationship....
Deciding On Spousal Support
No matter which side you are on, spousal support is something that will need to be taken care of during a divorce. Something must be decided about spousal support, yet, where are you to begin? What are you going to do to resolve this issue of spousal supp....
Following Through
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003 My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they've been sitting on my desk for five days now. It took me tw.......
Grants For Single Mothers
If you are a single mom and struggling to get by, you are not alone. Whether you are going through a divorce or the father is absent most single mother face the burden of supporting themselves and th.......
Midlife Dating: Filling Your Social Calendar
If you find yourself suddenly solo at midlife wondering how to keep a balanced social life and meet other singles, you aren’t alone.
Sometimes friends and country clubs are divided up in the divorce along with the possessions, or you may find your....
"Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce .......
Three Amigos
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 23, 2004 I feel rather foolish writing this letter, but I need help. I am a 67-year-old man living on social security. My wife and I divorced, but I.......
Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms
Dating is tough, but it’s tougher for women who are divorced and widowed. Along with the fears of being “out of practice,” there are often children’s feelings to consider. How can a single mother en.......
Yoga - The Solution for Insomnia
At one time, or another, all of us have experienced insomnia for any type of reason. There are times when lack of sleep just can’t be helped, such as: the loss a loved one, going through a divorce, .......
"Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?"
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for....
What 10 Things Divorced Parent Should Do To Promote Positive Child Adjustment?
The effects of recent enlargement in divorce rates are negative effects. Divorced children are more probably to get pregnant as teenagers, drop out of high school, abuse drugs and have aggressively emotional and behavioral problems, which lead to social p....
Chasing After Child Support
Child support is often a source of contention between divorced parents of minor children. I understand this. I have been there. In an ideal situation, the parent who is responsible for paying child support does so out of love for his or her children.
....
How to Reorganize Your Divorce Life for Happiness?
Do your dreams, hopes and ambitions shattered by your own divorce? Do you feel completely worn out of your desire to go on with your life? Do you feel you have no more purpose or inspiration for lif.......
Do You Really Want a Relationship?
With a divorce rate in this country that approaches 50%, and a fairly sizable percentage of marriages that aren’t particularly blissful, it’s difficult to avoid searching for the answer to the battle of the sexes.
Would you like to stop searching?....
Vengeful Husband sues Ex-Wife for Secondhand Smoke Illness
Charleston, SC 3/24/05-
After 13 years of marriage, a Florida man divorces his wife and sues her, claiming his wife’s 2 to 3 pack-a-day smoking habit caused him to contract life-threatening lung cancer in Palm Beach (case id 501997CA01158XXONAN). When....
The Truth About Lawyers
During the matter of my divorce (that's lawyer talk - it's always the matter of this and the matter of that), I spent about $30,000 on three different attorneys in an extremely frustrating effort just to be able to see my own children. As each one faile......
