Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

by: Drew Harris

For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time.

Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the divorcee can be overwhelming. This is reflected in the Christmas surge of suicide rates.

The feelings are that much more intense if there are kids involved.

I know for myself, nothing could have prepared for me for the crushing sadness I felt during my first post-divorce Christmas.

As a father of two young girls, it was like I was emotionally disconnected from everyone. The joy of the season was something I just switched on, for brief periods, when my little girls were at my house leading up the holidays. When they would leave until their next visit, the joyful glow of the Christmas lights and Christmas tree seemed to turn cruel and I would turn it all off.

It seemed I had an inverse reaction to the level of season joy around me: the higher it was, the worse I felt.

Going to the shopping malls, alone, just intensified the feelings of disconnect, as I watched parades of children that weren't mine, going through the usual excited frenzy.

I remember sitting on my couch, alone in the dark, watching movies on Christmas Eve, counting down the hours until the girls arrived on Christmas Day at Noon.

In the middle of the night of that first Christmas Eve, I reached my lowest of lowest and for the briefest of seconds, dark thoughts crossed my alcohol free mind about putting an end to the pain.

Mercifully, I did nothing except scare myself. In fact, because now I appreciated how intense all of the feelings were, I knew I needed a plan to get through the season the next time.

From that point on, I came up with the following five step plan.

Step 1 - Do not be alone.

You have to reach out and ask for support, from family, friends or whoever. The Crisis Line is always there to re-assure you (I know).

Step 2 - Know you are not alone and connect with other people in your same circumstance.

I met several people over the next year, male and female, who were in the same boat as I was. We actually had a house party on Christmas Eve the next year because no one had their kids. Everyone had a few laughs, cursed the Exs and yearned for their kids, together.

Step 3 - Do not feel guilty.

Your kids are enjoying two Christmas celebrations instead of just one. What kid wouldn't love that?

Step 4 - Give to charity or volunteer at the Food Bank.

This really helped me appreciate that even in my sadness, I still had food and a home and there were people way worse off then I was.

Step 5 - Don't be so hard on yourself.

From the time we were kids, the Christmas season commercial frenzy creates a ton of expectations in all of us. During divorce, with your own kids jumping between houses, those expectations become very difficult if not impossible to maintain. This compounds the feeling of being a failure because you cannot emotionally keep pace with the joy you see around you.

Over my 5 single Christmas seasons, I learned a whole new way of appreciating the season.

I started to celebrate the fact that I was surviving on my own, learning to live my life differently and being a fantastic father every 2nd week.

Christmas became less about gifts and more about patting myself on the back for keeping it all together.

That attitude shift made a world of difference.

I truly learned that the biggest gift you can give the people around you, especially your kids, is your own survival. That's what they'll always remember.

About The Author

Drew Harris is now happily re-married and runs single-christians.net, a one-stop-shop relationship portal for Christians and like-minded people.

http://tinyurl.com/44pc9

bears@island.net

How to Reorganize Your Divorce Life for Happiness?
Do your dreams, hopes and ambitions shattered by your own divorce? Do you feel completely worn out of your desire to go on with your life? Do you feel you have no more purpose or inspiration for life's achievements?

You must not let yourself think.....

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for Toddlers?
Toddlers, toddlers, toddlers! Very young, seems don't understand what is happening yet their development may be affected by parental divorce. During the first three years of life, children grow quic.......

Grants For Single Mothers
If you are a single mom and struggling to get by, you are not alone. Whether you are going through a divorce or the father is absent most single mother face the burden of supporting themselves and th.......

"Women and Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce"
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuiti.......

Blessings In A Mother's Tears
As a mother, my intuition told me that something just wasn’t right. Most doctors blew off my concerns about my daughter, Deborah. They said the behavior problems were just “terrible twos” or “extra family stress” from my divorce. I knew from the time of m....

Unleashing the power of knowledge
We all have some sort of knowledge locked in our noggins. Through life’s experiences
such as past and present employment, the adversities we’ve all had evovle during our
lifetimes, such as illnesses, divorces, issue with our children, financial and....

Houston Divorce Lawyer Answers Common Questions About Mediation
If you are reading this, then you are probably either thinking of filing for divorce -- or have a feeling that your spouse may be filing for divorce -- whether you want to separate or not.

One of the common questions that an individual going throu....

Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet
The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on the rise, overwhelming divorce rate, corruption in corporate America, and, oh yes, Janet at the Super Bowl! Where does it end? With so.......

How To Identify What The Question "Should I get a divorce?" Means To You.
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's s.......

Rosen Divorce On-Line Child Support Calculator
Raleigh, NC- Rosen Divorce, the state’s largest divorce firm known for its unique approach to handling marital disputes, recently revamped their on-line child support calculator making it more user-friendly.

The new child support calculator takes....

How to Stop Divorce Parental Conflict from Bursting?
It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after divorce the culprit of most psychological-adjustment problems the children are having. So, how to stop the post-divorce parental conflict from bur.......

Mom's Legacy
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 13, 2003 I am recently divorced from a destructive narcissist. His infidelity, coupled with a lack of remorse for the havoc caused to our family, was .......

How to Grieve a Tragedy
Bad things happen to good people. Have you lost your job or are facing bankruptcy? Has a cherished relationship ended or you have gone through a divorce? Maybe you received diagnosis of a serious hea.......

Common-law misconceptions
Arsenal and England soccer star Ray Parlour was recently ordered to pay his ex-wife Karen a third of his earnings for the next four years in a high profile divorce case. And this £444,000 a year income was on top of two mortgage-free houses worth over £1....

Chasing After Child Support
Child support is often a source of contention between divorced parents of minor children. I understand this. I have been there. In an ideal situation, the parent who is responsible for paying child support does so out of love for his or her children.
....

Selecting a Divorce Attorney
Selecting a divorce attorney is a critical decision making process. The person who you hire will be responsible for obtaining or maintaining your custody rights to your children, your property inter.......

Healing the Midlife Love Crisis
All I wanted was to fall in love and live happily ever after. The End.

Except it wasn’t that simple. At forty-something, I was hardly “on the shelf”, but I was the veteran of two divorces. That gave rise to plenty of self doubt. It gave rise to ano....

How to Keep your Relationships Strong
What is the secret of keeping your relationship going through thick and thin? Divorce was once a problem that was not heard of before many of us were born, and today, you can find some couples that have been married for 50 years or more. But, what is it t....

Parental Hostility: What Will This Bring To Your Children's Life?
One of the most important factors influencing kids' adjustments to their parents' separation or divorce is the level of parental hostility. How bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled.

To give you c......

"Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce .......

Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage probl.......

Wedding Loans: Perfect Finance Option for a Perfect Wedding
After seeing each other for years and being tagged as ‘in love’ since eternity, you desire to bring this to a logical end. You are wrong if you think I am suggesting a divorce even before you are actually married. The end to every love is wedding -the wed....

"Divorce Reasons; What Constitutes A Viable Reason For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?&
According to the Center for Disease
Control's National Vital Statistics
Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages
ended in divorce and 60% of
remarriages end in divorce. But, the
Center for Disease Control also found
that 96% of Americans.....

What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?
Why do some children still do best after divorce and separation? Is there divorce parenting approaches that really work? Read and learn the divorce parenting approaches that really work.

Going through the process of divorce is a challenging life tr....

Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other Parent?
I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance their children from the other parent? Such actions may only be justified when there is a genuine concern about the children's emotional or physical safety when with the other parent. But in the absenc.....

"Divorce Advice: Getting Divorce Advice From the Right Source"
Getting the right type of divorce advice depends on what type of divorce advice you want and what you want to use it for. When looking for advice about divorce, it is smart to clearly define what you.......

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for an Infant?
Is there such thing as divorce parenting practices that is best appropriate for an infant? I tell you, yes there is. In fact, it's not only for infant. At every stage of children's development, whether infants, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary school ......

What 10 Things Divorced Parent Should Do To Promote Positive Child Adjustment?
The effects of recent enlargement in divorce rates are negative effects. Divorced children are more probably to get pregnant as teenagers, drop out of high school, abuse drugs and have aggressively emotional and behavioral problems, which lead to social p....

Following Through
Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003 My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they've been sitting on my desk for five days now. It took me tw.......

BREAKING UP. Rights and obligations with prenuptial agreement.
Prenuptial Agreements (Premarital Contract) are like insurance policies. You do the paperwork, and then hope you'll never need it. However, since half of marriages end in divorce within t.....

How to Choose the Right Divorce Lawyer
Are you unhappy with your relationship? Are you thinking about divorce? Well then, choosing the right lawyer can be one of the most important decisions you make when considering a divorce. According .......

Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas
This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning post-divorce alimony in Texas. Laws differ from state to state and individual circumstances vary, so you should consult with a qualifie.......

Divorce Is Not A Good Idea Right Now
Since September 11th although tempers have flared, depression has increased and sleeplessness has become an unwelcome visitor to many, committed relationships have not faltered and divorce filings have declined. Why is this? Even though people are stresse....

Divorce Mediation A Relatively Speedy and Low Cost Alternative
Is it possible to have an easy divorce? A low cost divorce? Or do all divorce settlements necessarily end in hard feelings and financial ruin? The truth is that divorce can be low-cost and easy… or i.......

Second Time Around the Block
Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or the moral and ethical implications of that here. Even if you're the innocent one who stuck to your vows and got dumped anyway, you still have .......

"Divorce Advice: Getting Divorce Advice From the Right Source"
Getting the right type of divorce
advice depends on what type of divorce
advice you want and what you want to
use it for. When looking for advice
about divorce, it is smart to clearly
define what you are seeking the advice
for so you ca....

How to Prevent a Custody Battle After Divorce.
I recently marked the six-year anniversary of my custody battle. I have learned vital lessons that I want to share with all parents.
Divorce yourself emotionally from your former spouse.

Mind your own business. Their life is no longer married....

"Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?"
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for....

Successful Dating and Marriage (1)
Chapter One

“In a high-divorce society, not only are more unhappy marriages likely to end in divorce, but in addition, more marriages are likely to become unhappy." -- COUNCIL ON FAMILIES IN AMERICA.

.......................................

Couple Relationship
Statistics about divorce rates in the United States vary widely from one third up to fifty percent. Still, even considering the lower estimations, that would still be every third couple getting divor.......

How To Divorce Like You Are Buying A TV
The facts are that 75% of all US and 50% of all Canadian marriages end in divorce. Divorce is rated number two on
the scale of the most life altering stressors. During this difficult time you have to deal with everything thrown at you, all at once. It....

Three Amigos
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 23, 2004 I feel rather foolish writing this letter, but I need help. I am a 67-year-old man living on social security. My wife and I divorced, but I.......

Dating a Divorced Guy
Has this happened to you?

SCENARIO NUMBER 1

Linda was visiting friends in Seattle and they fixed her up with Robert for a date. He suggested they have lunch and then he wanted to show her the tourist district. Of course it was one shop afte....

Divorce online service. Why should we lose money and time applying for divorce?
It is usually easier to marry than to divorce, especially if the spouses who wish to do so must divide their common property as well.

Divorce is extremely difficult business in rich families. For wealthy Americans in this case, it is accepted that....

Potty Training After a Divorce or Separation
Many parents share custody of their children, which presents a unique problem when it comes to potty training. It’s best to discuss potty training and agree on a strategy before you start. Both paren.......

"Marriage Problem; Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?"
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying
to do all you can to make your
marriage work. Depending on how your
marriage was prior to thinking that
you had a marriage problem, you could
be in for a hurtful time .....

"Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?"
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of yo.......

Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations
What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents should avoid? Learn them to spare your kids from the painful consequences. 1. Carrying Message Between Parents A child doesn't like.......