Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other Parent?

Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other Parent?

by: Ruben Francia

I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance their children from the other parent? Such actions may only be justified when there is a genuine concern about the children's emotional or physical safety when with the other parent. But in the absence of past domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse, physical, sexual, or emotional child abuse, alienating children from the other parent will never bring any good.

Other parents may subconsciously alienate children from the other parent. But whether there is a deliberate move or not to alienate children from the other parent, the same thing will happen. Children will always suffer. Remember children generally fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing involvement of both parents and parental alienation must be put to an end.

The good news is we can prevent the devastating effects of parental alienation. The key is to begin recognizing the symptoms of parental alienation. After reading the list below, don't get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.

Denying the existence of the other parent. This include actions like denying other parent photo's within children's room, avoiding conversations with other parent, ignoring the other parent in public and refusing visitation.
Criticizing the other parent. This include actions like speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the children, speaking negatively about the other parent's family and friends, and comparing your children to the other parent in a negative way.
Placing your children in the middle. This include actions like using them as a messenger, having them act as spies, discussing adult issues in front of or with your children and arguing in front of the children.
Setting up the other parent to fail. This include actions like failing to inform the other parent of important events, laughing at or making jokes about the other parent, encourage children to disobey other parent and blaming the divorce on the other parent.
Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.
Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.
Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.
Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs.
A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun with their other parent.
When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.

Now that you have read the above list, don't get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. Just think and internalize that children generally fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing involvement of both parents. Therefore, parental alienation must be put to end. Both parents have to work as co-parents.

If you are having difficulty parenting with your children's other parent then make your move now. Remedy your situation by getting a free copy of my ebook "8 Essential Steps To Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Likewise, you can learn effective divorce parenting from my other ebook "101 Ways To Raise 'Divorced' Children to Successfully." For more information, please visit my website.

With the above information, I hope you will become an empowered divorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorce.

Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.

About The Author

Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Get his other ebook for FREE, "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com

support@101divorceparenting.com

Divorce--When "Forever" Is Just Too Long

Are you unhappy with your spouse and your marriage? Are you seriously thinking about divorce? No matter how you deal with it, divorce is a messy process. When two people, who have taken a vow to stay together forever, decide that forever is much too....

"Contested" And "Uncontested Divorce"
A divorce case is contested if the parties cannot agree on every one of the issues involved in their particular situation. Common areas of disagreement include, but are not limited to: grounds for di.......

Couple Relationship
Statistics about divorce rates in the United States vary widely from one third up to fifty percent. Still, even considering the lower estimations, that would still be every third couple getting divor.......

Q: As a result of my divorce, I'm left with more debt than I can handle. Is there an alterna
One of the often-unintended consequences of divorce is the burdensome debt that was formerly handled by two, now to be handled by one. Creditors hold both spouses liable for debt incurred during the marriage. Any agreement between the spouses regarding wh....

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms?
When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decide whether to do it yourself or retain a divorce lawyer.

Houston Divorce Lawyer Answers Common Questions About Mediation
If you are reading this, then you are probably either thinking of filing for divorce -- or have a feeling that your spouse may be filing for divorce -- whether you want to separate or not. One of the.......

Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet
The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on the rise, overwhelming divorce rate, corruption in corporate America, and, oh yes, Janet at the Super Bowl! Where does it end? With so.......

How to protect your life insurance policy while going through a divorce
Expert advice on protecting your assets in difficult times

Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to the circumstances of your life. You buy life insurance to protect your family from financial loss stemming from your death. You tie....

Been There, Done That
Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 12, 2004 Fourteen years ago I was divorced from my second wife, her idea. I'll call her Kay. But I never lost my love for her. She married again and h.......

Blessings In A Mother's Tears
As a mother, my intuition told me that something just wasn’t right. Most doctors blew off my concerns about my daughter, Deborah. They said the behavior problems were just “terrible twos” or “extra family stress” from my divorce. I knew from the time of m....

Negotiating a Good Divorce Settlement
Divorce can get complicated with all its legal and financial details and disagreements. It’s no wonder that you are seeking divorce help and divorce support. The most important piece of information t.......

What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?
Why do some children still do best after divorce and separation? Is there divorce parenting approaches that really work? Read and learn the divorce parenting approaches that really work. Going throug.......

Living in the Clouds
I have a sister of whom I am very proud. After the kids were grown she found herself divorced after years of unhappy marraige. So she went back to work. She found the job market brutal after all those years as a housewife, but she stuck with it, and got a....

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for School-Age Children?
It is being said that how bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. And believe me when I tell you that there is an appropriate divorce parenting pract.......

Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess th.......

Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Children
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficu.......

Divorce: How To Survive A Divorce And Move On With Your Life
One out of every two marriages in America is failing. American families are crumbling and vanishing. Most families have become dysfunctional, and it is widely becoming fashionable to come from a dy.......

Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article
There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What's below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. The below information about divorce articles holds true f.....

"Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustrati....

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for an Infant?
Is there such thing as divorce parenting practices that is best appropriate for an infant? I tell you, yes there is. In fact, it's not only for infant. At every stage of children's development, whether infants, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary school ......

How To Identify What The Question "Should I get a divorce?" Means To You.
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's s.......

Legal Mistakes - Top 10 Women (and Men) Should Avoid
In today’s world and high divorce rate, men and women should be aware of some legal issues to protect not only themselves, but also their children and any assets you may have. I will explain some of .......

Ten Easy, Yet Powerful way to get in the spirit to date again after a break-up or time-out
Ten Easy, yet Powerful ways to get in the spirit to date again after a break-up or time-out
Divorce and relationship break-up are devastating to most people. Most have learned that jumping from the frying pan into the fire is not a good thing. However....

Divorced Parent: Do You Alienate Your Child from the Other Parent?
I have seen some divorce parents consciously distance their children from the other parent? Such actions may only be justified when there is a genuine concern about the children's emotional or physic.......

Divorce: Secrets To Coping With A Divorce Announcement
During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together in matrimony, they swear and vow to honor and respect each other and to remain partners both during good and bad times. But in most marriag.......

Surviving Life After Divorce
After divorce, the most important thing you can do is to move forward sensibly. Here are ten steps to help you on your way back to a fulfilling life. 1. Think single. As obvious as it may seem, you'.......

The Truth About Lawyers
During the matter of my divorce (that's lawyer talk - it's always the matter of this and the matter of that), I spent about $30,000 on three different attorneys in an extremely frustrating effort just to be able to see my own children. As each one faile......

Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process
The Emotions

Divorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a s.....

How to Keep your Relationships Strong
What is the secret of keeping your relationship going through thick and thin? Divorce was once a problem that was not heard of before many of us were born, and today, you can find some couples that have been married for 50 years or more. But, what is it t....

"Dating After Divorce: Things To Think About Regarding Dating After Divorce"
Dating after divorce is a much debated topic due to the psychological and emotional impact it can have on people. Dating after divorce can be complex, too often divorcees don't consider the ramifications of dating after divorce before they jump into it w.....

"Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital A
Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people that will never be forgotten by either of them. The person who actually had the extramar....

Rights and Obligations with Prenuptial Agreement
Prenuptial agreements are like insurance policies. You do the paperwork, and then hope you'll never need it. However, since half of marriages end in divorce within the first seven years, you may want.......

Marriage, Divorce, and Kids
It’s been said that one of the problems that
married couples have today is that men tend to
choose their wives the same way they choose their
cars or trucks.

They get the best one available and hope that
there’s not much maintenance dow....

Family Law
A frustrating lack of permanence plagues modern relationships. Approximately one of every two marriages ends in divorce and the average length of a marriage before divorce is only five years. Many c.......

Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process
The Emotions Divorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help bec.......

Back in the Saddle
The single parents' guide to dating again.

Going through a divorce is hard. Getting back into the dating scene can seem even harder. You have been out of the scene for a while now and are not sure how to get back in. Let alone, back in wi.....

How to Sell Your House by Lease Options
Many people buy a house then have to move within a few years, due to divorce, relocation or financial difficulties. Without any equity though, it can be nearly impossible to find buyers and you still.......

Life Lessons - an Inpirational Story
Ju was physically abused as a child. She lived with a mother who was diagnosed with post depression and a father who was a wife abuser. Her parent divorced and left six of them with her mother. She .......

How to Stop Divorce Parental Conflict from Bursting?
It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after divorce the culprit of most psychological-adjustment problems the children are having. So, how to stop the post-divorce parental conflict from bursting must be given a premium importance by parents who....

Deciding on Divorce: How to know you are making the right choice
It's a well known fact that in this day and age most marriages end up in divorce. When confronted with the possibility of "throwing a relationship away", you'll probably experience a lot of stress. .......

Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations
What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents should avoid? Learn them to spare your kids from the painful consequences. 1. Carrying Message Between Parents A child doesn't like.......

How to Select a Divorce Lawyer
Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case is a very important decision. The following are a few important criteria to help in finding the right divorce lawyer. Experience and Focus A.......

TURN PERSONAL STRUGGLES INTO BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
TURN PERSONAL STRUGGLES INTO BOOKS FOR CHILDREN

by Laura Backes, Publisher, Children's Book Insider, the
Newsletter for Children's Writers

Suppose you've just gone through a divorce and lost custody of
your kids. Or a loved one has .......

Hidden Divorce Costs
Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many rea.......

Deciding On Spousal Support
No matter which side you are on, spousal support is something that will need to be taken care of during a divorce. Something must be decided about spousal support, yet, where are you to begin? What are you going to do to resolve this issue of spousal supp....

"Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Chil
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.

A Brick Wall
Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 18, 2003 Two years ago I divorced, and there is still a lot of hostility. My former husband has been served with contempt papers for not paying child .......