Coping With The Stress Of Divorce
It is only natural to
feel stressed and angry when you divorce. Something as severe, final
and distressing as this will bring along many emotions with it and
there will be times when you feel you are at your lowest point. It is
easy to allow your emotions to get the best of you and lash out at
those around you; your friends, family, co-workers and even your
children. It is therefore important to understand how you can lower
your stress levels throughout a divorce and how best to ensure that
those who you care about are not hurt.
Learning to cope with stress
throughout a divorce is rehabilitation, and the first step in any rehab
is to understand, identify and admit that you have a problem. There are
several signs that your divorce is causing you intense stress. You may
feel physically unwell, experience nausea and stomach pains and suffer
from a loss of appetite. You may find yourself crying for no reason and
noticing that your mood swings often at random. You may feel physically
and emotionally exhausted or drained and suffer from anxiety and
insomnia. You may find yourself becoming addicted to or abusing
substances, over-eating and drinking and spending money or getting into
debt. At worst, you may feel high levels of guilt, depression, fatigue
and fear.
If you are going through a
divorce and can honestly say that you are experiencing even a small
number of these symptoms, you are probably more stressed than you first
believed. Your thoughts will alter depending on your mood state and at
times like this even more so. You may experience feelings of
worthlessness, fear of being able to find somebody else, a feeling of
failure or embarrassment at the breakup, worrying more about smaller,
trivial items and many others.
Now more than ever is a time
when you need to gain personal control of your life. You have spent a
long time being dependant on somebody else (even if you don't realise,
you will be at the very least emotionally dependent on your partner
during a marriage even if not physically) and now is the time to
embrace and cherish your independence. Take time out for yourself; find
a quiet or particularly comfortable corner of your house or take a walk
down to a park or beautiful nature spot. Try to sit down in quiet; many
people believe that walking makes them relax but walking tends to make
you think more and now should be a time to escape the difficult
thoughts you have been experiencing. Allow yourself to become as calm
and mellow as possible. If it helps, read a relaxing book or listen to
your favourite music. If the weather is nice, spend as much time
outside as possible. Spend time with your friends and family; if you
have been meaning to go and stay with an old friend for many years, now
is the time to call them and arrange it. Take yourself out of the
difficult places and situations your mind has created and put yourself
into a new, more comfortable one.
If you find that your job and
daily life brings stress, try to figure out a way of minimising it. If
you are forever late or rushing around, try to move your schedule about
to allow for this. Find more time to play rather than constantly
working. Discover a hobby that you can become engrossed in, ideally
with a friend but they are just as beneficial by yourself. Get involved
in some sports as they can be a great way to both have fun and let out
some tension and aggression.
Your life does not end with
divorce. Quite the opposite, for many people they find that their life
truly begins with a separation from a negative marriage. If you find
yourself experiencing these symptoms, do what you can to help yourself.
If you find things are getting beyond your control, please seek the
advice of a professional counsellor.
